PRE-MARITAL CONTACTS

 Are Pre-Marital Contacts Necessary?

“The notion that a man and a woman must ‘know’ each other before they decide to marry, so that they may then be able to live happily together is an illusion. Had there been any element of truth and validity in this, the divorce and separation rates in societies which practice it would not have shown a steady rise. Similarly, the marriages which take place without such pre-marital contacts would not have been known to last happily.”1

The Shariah permits the intended spouses to see each other for the purpose of selection and also permits asking and giving opinions if asked (without it being considered as gheebat under certain conditions.)

We should never resort to deceive the opposite party or conceal a defect during the selection process. Such things can have serious ramifications if exposed after marriage

The school of Ahle-Bait (A.S.) has not left us to follow our whims and fancies. We have been taught the best method of selecting a suitable spouse. The most important criterion is piety or religiousness.

RIGHTS OF WIFE

  Rights of the Wife According to Imam Sajjad (A.S.)

“It is the right of your wife that you should know that Allah has made her for you a tranquility and comfort (in worry), and a friend and shield (against sins).
And likewise, it is incumbent upon both of you to thank Allah for your partner and to know that (the spouse) is a grace of Allah upon you. And it is obligatory to have good fellowship with this grace of Allah (i.e. wife), and to respect her and be kind to her, although your rights upon her are greater and her obedience to you is final in all your likes and dislikes so long as it is not a sin. So she has the right of love and fellowship, and a place of repose (i.e. house) so that natural desires may be fulfilled, and this in itself is a great duty. And there is no strength but by Allah.” 7

RELEVANTS POINT OF NIKAH

 Some relevant points to be noted are:

Engagement or Mangni does not qualify the future spouses to go out together, even if the parents consent. Man and woman become permissible for each other only after the performance of Nikah.

Dowry - The unislamic system of demanding and accepting dowry must be avoided at all costs. Shariah does not make any expense incumbent on the bride/bride’s parents. Even the marriage expenses, it is recommended are to be borne by the bridegroom.

However, the bride can bring whatever she wants of her free will, and it will always belong to her.

Other Unislamic Customs - Many other unislamic customs have crept into the marriage ceremony of some Muslims. These customs are either borrowed from non-Muslim cultures or continue because they are established in past generations. One must avoid them if they are against the Shariah, even if some people are displeased. Other customs like the breaking of coconut etc. also do not feature among the Islamic rituals. All actions, customs etc. which show disrespect to Islam or weaken the importance of Islam have to be avoided.

Haraam Acts - Some of the rituals in marriage ceremonies are absolutely haraam like the playing of music. It is also haraam for ladies to go for mixed gatherings without proper hijab. Such things invite divine wrath and take away the blessings of this auspicious occasion.

BARKAT OF NIKAH

  Marraige improves man life

Various studies prove that married people remain healthier, physically and mentally. Islam has always maintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways.

Islam also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection.

The Prophet (S) said, “One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half.” 9 How true! A person who fulfills his sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits.

Marriage Enhances the Value of Prayers

The Prophet (S) said, “Two rak‘ats (cycles) prayed by a married person are better than the night-vigil and the fast of a single person.” 

A woman came to the Prophet (S) and said that she had tried everything to attract her husband but in vain; he does not leave his meditation to pay any attention to her.

The Prophet (S) told her to inform her husband about the reward of sexual intercourse which he described as follows: “When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and [at that moment in Allah’s views] he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah. When he has intercourse with her, his sins fall like the leaves of the tree [in fall season]. When he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed from sins.”

Marriage increases Sustenance

The Holy Prophet (S) remarked, “Give spouses to your single ones, because Allah makes their morality better (improves it) (under the shadow of marriage) and expands their sustenance and increases their generosity (human values).” 

HUSBANDS RIGHTS

 Husband’s Rights Over his Wife

The rights of a husband over his wife are numerous. The most important among them is related to having physical relationship with her. The duty of a wife is to submit herself physically before her husband. This right of the husband i.e. of having a physical relationship with his wife, as and when he wants, is obviously a reciprocation of her feelings. In absence of her husband the duties of the wife include the protection of his rights, status, wealth and respect. She must not spend his wealth without his permission nor must she reveal his secrets. Rather she should be his closest confidante.
She must not let anybody inside the house without his permission in his absence. For, doing so would lead to a lot of misunderstandings which would have drastic repercussions on the sacred contract of marriage. She must value his ideas, plans and provisions that he has prepared for her and other family members and obey him under all circumstances. She must not disobey him come what may nor must she do any such thing which detracts him. Rather she must try her best to attract his attention towards herself by which both of them can lead a life of harmony.8
Imam Baqir (A.S.) says that once a lady inquired from the Holy Prophet (S) regarding the rights a husband enjoys over his wife. He (S) said,
“First and foremost is that she should obey him and refrain from disobedience. She must not donate anything from his house without his permission nor can she keep recommended fasts without his approval. She must NEVER deny him his physical rights nor deprive him of its pleasures. If she steps out of the house without his permission, the angels of the heaven and the earth, of wrath and mercy, curse her till she returns to her house.” 9

SUCCESSFUL NIKAH

 Dear Muslims aspiring for a successful marriage, remember Sayyiduna Ali and Sayyidah Fatimah. What was the condition of their home? They lived a life of utmost simplicity. They were the definitions of sacrifice. She is the queen of paradise and he is the Lion of Allah, yet their home contained very little food and little provision. They had little wealth and did not possess much of the dunya. They spent days feeling hungry. They spent nights struggling. They spent years striving. There was no luxury kitchen. There was no expensive sofas and glamorous furniture. There was only bowing, prostrating, supplications, du'as, tears, and pure love.

Sayyiduna Ali worked tirelessly and carried water for a living to earn his own wealth. Sayyidah Fatimah would raise the children, she would grind grain and she'd bake bread. Things would get so difficult for them. They'd become extremely tired due to their struggles, yet they only increased in contentment and their love only strengthened. What is our condition? If our fridges are empty of drinks and food, we begin to fight. If our cupboards don't have enough biscuits and cereals, we get upset. If lunch and dinner is not extraordinary, we bicker. If we can't shop in Selfridges or dine in the flashiest places, we feel unhappy. Our women all call themselves queen and want the world. Guess what? She IS the queen and she only wanted the akhirah. Our men think they are brave and deserve the best of lives. Guess what? He IS the Lion of Allah, yet he never once complained of the conditions. 

We have everything yet how happy are we? What is the state of our homes and how do we raise our children? They had very little of the world and they are the leaders of paradise. Look at how they were tested, yet they still raised the likes of Sayyiduna Hasan and Hussain. رضي الله عنهم

Via - Shaykh Mohammed Aslam